I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
