He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
