You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
