everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
