My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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