Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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