I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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