If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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