There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
