Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
3pm strippers are depressing
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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