i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
