ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
