i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
