so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
