As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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