so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
