..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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