im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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