So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
