How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
