Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm too high and old for this...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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