that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
