Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
