so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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