If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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