we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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