I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
