Cold hands, warm shart.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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