I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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