Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
