so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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