That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My vagina just clenched in fear
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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