I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
