Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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