Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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