Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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