i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
