You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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