I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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