i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
