My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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