ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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