hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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