I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
