should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
