drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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