I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
