Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
