no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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