I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
